Big Dave's Awesome Blog

Scale from 1 to 10

2006-02-06T23:31:00.000-05:00

Cuteness scale, from 1 to 10.

1. The Predator. Every list has a bottom.
2. Centepedes
3. Kaiser Manhattan
4. Pile of dirty laundry
5. Basket of clean laundry
6. iPod
7. Basket of Jack Russell puppies
8. A chipmunk
9. Drew Barrymore
10. Baby harp seals

Power Ballads

2006-01-26T00:21:00.000-05:00

Power ballads are great. Everyone loves them, but acts like they hate them. I don't get it at all. My top ten, in no particular order:

Every Rose Has Its Thorn, Poison. A real classic. Once you hear that sigh, you know there's no turning back. It sounds great cranked up, and those "I feel for ya, man" lyrics are just awesome.

I'll Remember You, Skid Row. This song defines the genre. Crankable sound? Check. Tear-jerking lyrics? Check. Big hair? Oh, yeah.

Forever, Kiss. We can forgive them for recording a song written by Michael Bolton, especially when it's this one. Touching song, but I better not catch you crying. You big baby.

Love Of a Lifetime, Firehouse. A memorable song recorded by a band everyone forgets, but noone's list could be complete without the 'house.

The Lonesome Kicker, Adam Sandler. Normally, a satire song couldn't be selected, but this one really rocks. It would be funny if it weren't so rough on Andre Kristakovitchablinski, Jr. Funny like "Patches".

Livin' On a Prayer, Bon Jovi. Take my hand and we'll make it I swear. Shining example of a power ballad.

Not Enough, Van Halen. It was released in 1995, long after the heyday of the power ballad, but still rocks. Noone can scream like David Lee Roth. Except for Sammy Hagar.

Alone, Heart. Can girls sing power ballads? You bet, and Alone is alone on my list of fem-power ballads. Besides, Nancy Wilson (c. 1977) in leather pants was a sight to behold. Noone who's seen it has ever been the same. I need to go practice with my magic hands.

November Rain, Guns 'n Roses. It was a tough one between this and "Patience". Great classic video, too.

Don't Know What You've Got 'til It's Gone, Cinderella. They may've been a bunch of makeup-lovin' Cinderfellas, but this song's got it.

I'm bound to have missed a few, but I'm no Chuck Norris.

Ron Burgundy Redux

2006-01-18T21:47:00.000-05:00

It's possible that Charlie Chase, of Nashville's Fox 17 might also be Ron Burgundy. And he used to be on Crook & Chase on TNN. It's him.

Ron Burgundy

2006-01-07T12:16:00.000-05:00

Anyone besides me realize the resemblance between Ron Burgundy and Chattanooga, TN channel 9 anchor Bob Johnson? Was that movie based on his life? Check it out. Thirty years of swingin' lifestyle has bloated his face a little, but you can still see the coolness. FWIW, I heard that he and Neal Pascal have a long-running feud that occasionally bubbles up on camera.

The future is gone.

2005-12-28T07:08:00.000-05:00

I just found out that the last of the foam Xanadu houses was demolished in October. How did this not make national news? While everyone was reading about frivlous news like bird flu, the future of history (or history of future) was razed in Kissimmie, Florida. I remember visiting one of them in Gatlinburg, Tennessee sometime during the eighties. It was already getting out of date in some ways. At the time, CDs were already available, but Xanadu's 'futuristic' sound system featured a vertically-mounted linear tracking turntable instead. Much of the home automation was controlled by Apple ][+ computers, when our forward-looking family already had the much more sophisticated //c. The only thing that Xanadu had that I've yet to see in common use is the inductive magnetic range top. It's still kind of sad for me, as I loved seeing and visiting Xanadu, but it's gone forever. It's a wonder that it got any visitors in 1996 when it finally closed to the public.

My dog Snotz

2005-12-18T22:44:00.000-05:00

Hey, if any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head! And I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, d!ckless, hopeless, heartless, fat-a$$, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey s#!+ he is. Hallelujah, holy s#!+! Where's the Tylenol?

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas.

Merry Chri kiss my...

Pepsi Holiday Spice

2005-12-15T22:35:00.000-05:00

Looking for Pepsi Holiday Spice? Yeah, me neither. I'll also find some way to get by without the following others:

Pepsi Blue
Mountain Dew Code Red
Mountain Dew Pitch Black
Surge
Josta
dnL
New Coke
RC Draft
Crystal Pepsi
OK

BTTF.

2005-12-12T07:30:00.000-05:00

You ever realize that the future depicted in Back to the Future is now only 10 years away? We're closer to the future now than we are to the movie, but a few things are missing.
1. The flying cars. This has been a dream since at least the fifties, and it's still a bad idea. Someone may make it happen sometime.
2. The holographic movie trailer that nearly scared Marty to death. I can't say I'm too anxious for this one, either.
3. Impossible to open Pepsi bottles. It looks to me as if the bottles and cans of today will probably make it that long.
4. The double tie. Old Marty, Needles, and The Jitz have a bizzare collar setup on their shirts that allows a mirror-image double tie set. Better make sure this one is perfect before being released on the public.
5. The fresh fruit dispenser. The thing that came out of the cieling that seemed to grow fresh fruit is a good idea, except that it would require some maintenance. Also, cops don't like people that keep grow lites hidden in their homes.
6. Dust resistant paper.
7. Max Headroom-ized waiter resembling Michael Jackson, Ayatollah Khomeini, etc. Keep it.
8. Self-cinching shoes; self-sizing, self-drying jacket. I kind of like this one.
9. Thumb-activated door. This one is ready for reality, but I don't want one. Since I read that a clever Japanese researcher was able to fool one with a photo-mould and a gummi bear...
10. Light up curbs.

Sorry, Cubbies. Ten more years.

Time after time.

2005-12-06T15:31:00.000-05:00

I can't believe how often I'm caught unprepared for the stupid and sick things that people do. It's enough that everyone is living in my city (without my permission), sometimes stinking it up with armpit stench or old automobile exhaust, but it gets worse. I was at the grocery store the other day, and I walked into a cloud of fart that someone had left behind for me. I don't normally 'crop dust' without having a specific target, but noone could've been targeting me because they weren't even there to know who was coming. Not only did their Shrek-like stench nearly make me gag, but they didn't hang around for me to suggest a proctology appointment.

A few hours later, I went to the library to study and gather some materials. I sat down at a carrel and almost immediately touched someone's still wet booger left behind under the edge of the table. Twice in one day!

Puppies

2005-11-28T20:51:00.000-05:00

Puppies are cute. I'm OK.

Flavor Flav

2005-11-27T12:25:00.000-05:00

Anyone ever wonder about Flavor Flav's clocks? I remember seeing Flav wearing the same clock we had in our bathroom when I was about 12 or 13. Is there a page that documents the various clocks he's had? How much child support could he have paid instead of buying clocks? Hickory dickory dock!

Thanksgiving or Giving Thanks?

2005-11-23T19:35:00.000-05:00

Live with a spirit of thanks, pray to God and thank Him, and give thanks to the people around you who have helped make you happy. Being grateful will help them just as much as it helps you.

Back again.

2005-11-22T22:04:00.000-05:00

I'm back, without improvement. Noone is reading this, but I've got logging trolls posting comments anyway. Somehow, and I'm sure I'm not alone in this, I don't find blogging on my own to be as satisfying as commenting on others' blogs. That said, 99.9% of them aren't worth reading at all, and could be best served by getting posted ads from logging concerns. If someone were paying me, I suppose I'd try as hard as Maddox did a couple of years ago. Without money, I'm not likely to work much harder than Victoria Jackson did when Andrew Dice Clay hosted SNL. Perhaps I'll get more interested and interesting in the future.

Owned like a Backstreet Boy

2005-11-22T20:30:00.000-05:00

In the grand vein of Steve Jobs; and one more thing...

If anyone would care to comment on AdSense and its ability to provide money, please post a comment. I'll sell out for money.

First post

2005-05-08T10:18:00.000-04:00

This is the first post, and I hope it won't be the last. I think it's about time I set one of these up as this is probably the only part of the internet where I've fallen seriously behind. As my presence on the internet nears its tenth anniversary, I look back fondly on how it's changed. Aside from spyware, adware, malware, and spam, the changes are almost all good. My first experiences using Lynx on VAX and NCSA Mosaic could never have predicted the slickness of today's pages. It's like the web went from being Teen Beat to National Geographic in ten years. In 1995, I thought the internet was highly evolved and easy to use. It's gotten more evolved and even easier since. Aside from trolls and the aforementioned maladies, the only thing that's gotten worse are the people. We've managed to go from the arrogant computer nerd know-it-alls to the just arrogant. I feel it's time for me to flaunt my arrogance! Check back here often. I plan on reconstructing my former page reviewing Tennessee Tech's restrooms, and I've got a photo essay planned that's guaranteed to make you laugh. Enjoy.